I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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