So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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