I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
