Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
