i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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