Your face is a jimmy john
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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