Do you still have your period?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
