i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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