But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
