I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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