ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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