i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
it's like heaven, but drunker
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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