but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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