at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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