there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
