May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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