Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
