Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
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