she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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