Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
