dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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