...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
