god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
