Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
This is classic penis vs brain.
we're so committed to being not committed
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
