im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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