bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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