Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I need to stop coming to work sober
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
