I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
