Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
