I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
