I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize