I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
