I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
