How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
