My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Randomize
