Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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