You made me cry and you don't even care
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
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