i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
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We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
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somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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