Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
