Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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