remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
