There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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