How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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