You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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