Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
