So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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