I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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