How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
i've created a new STD.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
