hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We left the knife in your bed.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
