After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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