We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
