My pussy is not your playground.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
