There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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