It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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