Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
