I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
