Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
