Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
