I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
