I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
