Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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