Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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