I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize