Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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