Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
