if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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