I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
