his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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